Time, Life, and Death

R,
I am finally in the library. I just feel so exhausted. Like I never have enough time in the day, and I know everyone says that. But it's just become so real. 
I spent the last year or so avidly believing that time did not exist. That instead of a linear path to be followed, our lives are like looking at the page of a book. It's all laid out right there, and we are constantly living every moment that we will ever live.
Don't confuse it for fate, or destiny. That's not what I mean at all. I just mean that I never had fear of loss, or change, because I believed that I would constantly be in each moment always. So loss did not exist.
But over the last couple of weeks I feel that time has reentered my perspective on life. And not at a "normal" pace either. It is speeding by me so quickly that I can barely breathe. I look back on Haiti and it feels that I was there for a mere second, Christmas passed and I don't even remember half of what happened.
I'm stumbling over my own feet, being dragged along by a train on a track.
Maybe because since high school I felt a bit stagnant, and now it's all catching up to me.
I'm trying not to let it make me irritable. But I get so stressed and anxious now that I find myself reacting far to severely to things.
I find solace in the library. And in writing.
Creative writing lets me disappear into another world, so forgive me for posting so many excerpts and short stories. I just need it right now. It is a form of therapy.
I do not want to check out. I don't want to distract myself. I want to be fully present in this world, I am merely looking for ways to cope with my new reality.
The way I view the world may seem pessimistic.
If I'm being truly honest, I don't believe in God.
I used to, I really did. But then something happened, something little. Inconsequential, and yet suddenly my faith was gone. I wait for it to return, I've searched for it. I've tried. But as of now, I believe in time, life, and death. My higher power is the universe. And, for now, that is okay.
I have a prayer that I find very beautiful that I want to share with you. You might have heard it. It's the serenity prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I say it to myself nearly everyday. It helps.
Okay, so this has been a very vulnerable post. I implore you not to judge me harshly with your opinions. I respect the beliefs of everyone around me. I hope you will do the same for me.
--S