For the Love of Libraries

Dear R,
I'm trying to make myself content at where I am at this moment in my life. And I mean that as a location. I want to be content in Eastern Oregon.
I can't spend all of my time missing a place that I won't see for at least another six months.
And it's important to appreciate every aspect of your life.
So, in order to do this I have signed up for two classes on campus (I know I said I was taking a year off from school, but two classes doesn't count. Right?), I do a lot of zumba which is incredibly fun even though I have to dance in the back, because I trip over people and fall down. I also get really confused so I usually just end up making up my own dance moves. I like to pretend I look as good as Jennifer Laurence in Silver Linings Playbook.
I go to the public library everyday to have some time away from my house, yet still not really doing much. Which makes me feel peaceful and quiet.
One of my favorite things about Haiti was the quiet.
Going back onto a college campus was terrifying. It was so hectic and loud. It's funny because I used to love that sort of chaotic frenzy. It took me out of my head. I didn't have to confront my thoughts. I could avoid personal turmoil.
Once I was in Haiti I was forced to face myself. Something I think I mentioned in my other blog site. It's like if your bedroom is a total mess, your things lying all over the floor and your quilts hanging off of your bed. You could simply avoid your room, and when you HAD to go in you would just close your eyes and pretend the mess wasn't there at all. Well one day someone locks you in this disaster of a room. Obviously you'd be terrified, but after a few days you'd have no choice but to start cleaning it up. Once it's in a decent state again you realize how wonderful it is. You can finally see all of the possessions that you loved, and the ones you didn't you could throw away.
Okay, now that same someone unlocks the door. What do you do? Do you let the room become a mess again, or do you continue to keep it clean, even though you have the rest of the world to distract you?
That's a long metaphor. But that's how I think of my mind. Now the door is unlocked and I have the potential to hide from my mess of thoughts again. I'm trying not to do that.
So I go to the library. I read or write, and sometimes I just think. It's a great place to think.
Other things I do to help myself like EO...
I take walks and I visit with new friends. People I didn't really realize existed before because I was so caught up in the idea that I was only able to hang out with people I knew from high school if I was home. NOT TRUE.
I think that location doesn't really matter because your demons are going to follow you everywhere. You can run away, but they'll eventually catch up. So either keep running, or face them.
Just because I'm in a town that holds difficult memories for me doesn't mean the town itself is difficult.
People my age complain about this place a lot. I do too. But honestly, that's just an excuse, another way of saying "I need something or someone to entertain me because I'm incapable of doing it myself."
It's about finding things that interest you.
And this town holds a lot more than I realized.
So that's me being positive about my current home. I'm excited. Doesn't mean I can't miss Haiti, but it does mean that I don't need to be miserable. I have the ability to decide how I will face any situation, and I am choosing to face this one just like I face the great majority of my life: It's an adventure. Go out and live it.
--S